


A World Without Us

by AnteBellis



Series: A World Without Us: A Sylgard Fanfic Collection [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Art, Dirty Jokes, Edelgard Hugs Him, F/M, FE3H Rarepair Bigbang, Holding Hands, Hopeful Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy, References to Depression, Sad Sylvain Jose Gautier, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sylvain Jose Gautier Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnteBellis/pseuds/AnteBellis
Summary: CW: Suicidal Ideation, References to Alchohol and Sex, Canon Typical Violence, Childhood TraumaSylvain is finally forced to confront the cruelty of the world as Miklan, his own brother, is slain by his hand. While questioning the point of living in such a world, Edelgard happens upon him and shows him the possibilities of the world she plans to bring into being -- and shares her own past, oh so similar to his. In this shared moment of uncommon intimacy, Edelgard discovers an unexpected ally and Sylvain discovers someone worth dying for.Or maybe even something worth living for.Written for Fire Emblem Ultra Rarepair Big Bang 2020!
Relationships: Sylvain Jose Gautier & Edelgard von Hresvelg, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Edelgard von Hresvelg
Series: A World Without Us: A Sylgard Fanfic Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1655593
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32
Collections: 2020 Ultra Rarepair Big Bang





	A World Without Us

**Author's Note:**

> I really love how this piece came out and am blown away by the beautiful art by [@CieraKilo](https://twitter.com/CieraKilo) that appears in it. Please follow them on twitter and show them your support! They are wonderfully talented and were a joy to work with! I tried a few new things in this piece with my writing style and the way I structured my prose and am really happy with the results, hopefully everyone who reads it enjoys it too. Without further adieu, I present a piece about my favorite rarepair. Enjoy! -Nat

With a flash of steel, it was over. Seemingly as quickly as it rose, the monstrous beast collapsed on the stone. A deafening crash and a cloud of dust followed soon after. When it cleared, he was laying there. His brother, though he had never acted in a way that should earn such a title. Miklan’s shattered form lay crumpled at the core of where the monster had collapsed, his posture imitating its not so gentle and oh so recent repose. 

In some dark mockery, the Lance of Ruin protruded from his back. Its existence had ended Miklan’s life in many ways the day he was born, how fitting that it jutted out of him here on the day of his death. Sylvain felt some dark urge to laugh or crack a joke as he usually would, but his throat felt dry. Like he’d woken up in the middle of the night after drinking too much in more ways than one. There was an unfamiliar wetness on his cheeks. Goddess, was he crying? After how tough he'd talked to the professor, he must look pretty uncool right now. 

He supposed if he was going to cry, now was as reasonable a time as any. Most of the class was too stunned by the events that had just transpired to give his tears more than a passing thought anyway. There was one pair of eyes that focused on him though. Very little escaped Edelgard’s sight, and the look of concern on her face was all the evidence he needed that he was in for her “checking in” like she did when he skipped too much class or caused too much trouble. He sighed at the thought. That was a matter for another time though. For now, he had one more thing to do before they could complete this disaster of an assignment.

He walked up to the body of his brother, seeing now how crumpled and bloody his form actually was. He reached for the spear protruding from his back and took it in his hand. He felt a hum run through his body as the weapon reacted to his crest. It pulled free cleanly from the massive gash in his back, tip still red with the blood of his only brother. 

So this is the cost his life of privilege had been bought at. 

He wasn't crying now, his heart was empty and numb. Or perhaps those were all the tears he had for the cruel man who lay on the floor beneath him? Maybe those were all the tears he had for this cold world at all. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. It shocked him from his miserable mood as he wheeled about to identify the hand’s owner. At first he didn't see anyone and then his vision lowered enough to see Edelgard attempting to comfort him. The concept almost made him laugh, but he wasn't sure a laugh could come from his throat without bringing sobs close behind. He tried for one of his easy jests, but his voice was shakier than normal. 

“See? Easy. Told you he fought like a caged animal...”

He steepled his fingers behind his head, the long lance resting in the crook of his elbow. The gesture shrugged Edelgard’s hand from his shoulder. He hadn't yet decided if he intended to do so or not. Edelgard continued to regard him with a look of concern. When she spoke her voice was even and calm, ever unflappable even in the face of the unthinkable like this. 

“There is no shame in feeling grief, but do not be paralyzed by it. If you… need to talk… I am happy to listen.”

The thought was funny to him. Him using the Adrestian heir as a therapist? He hated talking about his feelings on a good day, but the thought of having that conversation with Edelgard caused a puff of breath to escape his throat. It was humorous to even imagine. 

“Yeah, yeah. Sure thing, Princess.”

He wondered if she could hear his breath shake when he tried to joke as clearly as he could feel it. Something told him she was at least aware, for her brow furrowed at his easy dismissal. She moved away, deciding he was either a lost cause or at least not worth talking to for the moment. He didn't disagree. He took one last look at his brother’s face, looking peaceful for the first time in years. 

“Rest in Peace, Bro. You were a miserable brother, but that's probably what I deserved.”

With those rather anticlimactic parting words, Sylvain turned on his heel and walked towards where the rest of the class was preparing to leave. 

_I always thought he was a monster, but this was ridiculous._

* * *

He was still a little drunk, but at least he wasn't horny anymore. He thought some of his normal vices may offer him comfort, but an empty bottle and empty hookup later and he wasn't coping with it any better than he had been on top of that tower. 

That was just like his brother, he thought, finding a way to be a pain in his ass even in death. He reached for the bottle and put it to his lips again. It was exactly as empty as it had been the previous two times he had tried to drain any lingering drops from it, but this time the frustration of that fact bubbled over. He took the bottle and threw it against the far wall, punishment for its continuous but predictable betrayal. Thankfully the girl he had been with had grown tired of his sullen mood before witnessing that outburst. Or perhaps it would have been best for her to go back and tell her friends how scary and terrible he was? Though the fact he didn't even know her name or remember her hair color less than an hour later should be all the proof anyone needed of what a monster he was. 

There was that word again, monster. 

It had a different meaning now that he had actually seen something worthy of the name. How could a holy relic turn one into something so… blasphemous? When he fell on a Srengese plain one day would the spear warp his body into a monstrosity like that? Or was the right to die as yourself also a privilege afforded by his accursed crest? He felt a temptation to answer that question…

It was his fault after all, wasn't it? If he had never been born, his brother would've never ended up like that. He took everything from Miklan, it wasn't surprising that he would be driven to try and take back. 

A world without him…

He quite liked the sound of such a world himself right now. A world where he wasn't plagued by constant guilt and burdens of his birth. A world where he hadn't been forced to kill his brother. A world where he didn't exist had exactly as few choices for him as the one he was facing right now. Or perhaps he did have some options. Miklan has shown him there were always options if you were desperate enough. He didn't realize how desperate he had been for a way out until Miklan had shown him how trapped he was. How trapped they both had been. His destiny was to make more crest babies like himself and probably some babies disqualified from inheritance by something out of their control like Miklan. 

What kind of a fate was that? He didn't want to make anyone else suffer like him or his brother had. Let alone make his own children suffer that way. So he was left with at least one way out. A path he had considered before, but only in passing. 

He reached for the lance, tossed haphazardly to the floor and felt the familiar hum as it settled in his hands. What a disgusting thing. There was blood at both ends of it now. He felt a need to wash his hands as he touched the shaft. He laughed, a bitter sound from his slightly hoarse throat. So many had been felled by the grotesque weapon in his hand, his brother's blood would barely register on its death toll. 

Then why did that one life make it feel so much heavier in his hands now?

He ran his finger along one of the sharp spines, instantly drawing a pinprick of blood from his fingertip. The lance seemed to glow more angrily at that taste of his blood. Perhaps it was remembering the similar taste of his brother’s. No wonder such a weapon birthed monsters. Perhaps it would be fitting to satiate the weapons bloodlust, finally let it feast on both the brothers whose lives it had ended long ago. He held the tip of the lance to his throat, the spines seemed to seek his flesh as he brought them near, aligning with the plane of his windpipe anxiously, vibrating in place when they couldn’t twist any closer to him. It seemed to be what it wanted too. It would be so easy… 

* * *

Edelgard would deny it if anyone asked, but she was worried about Sylvain. She had seen the tears on his cheeks and she understood his pain better than most. When he had shrugged her hand aside, she had determined she wasn't the one he wanted comfort from. It wasn't the first time someone denied her concern. People seemed to hate appearing weak in front of her. It was foolish, though she understood the notion. She had made some excuse about an inspection when she had been asked what she was doing wandering the hall, people rarely dared to question her in earnest, and this was no exception. 

When the girl walked out of his room in a huff, her clothing still askew, Edelgard wasn't surprised. Perhaps a little disappointed, but since Sylvain had joined the Black Eagles house, she had witnessed more than enough of this type of behavior to remove the surprise from the sight. 

When she heard the sound of shattering glass coming from his room, she determined that was alarming enough to warrant checking on him where a disgruntled date was not. She moved towards the door quickly, simultaneously feeling vindicated and guilty for her worry. She knocked once softly and earned no reply. A second rapping of her knuckle likewise was met with silence. 

She had witnessed Sylvain climbing out of windows before, but not usually his own. She knocked again, louder, adding her voice this time. 

“Sylvain, are you alright?”

Receiving silence again, she reached for the doorknob, thankfully finding it unlocked. Her thoughts briefly passed to whether the door had been left unsecured by Sylvain’s paramore or if he had never locked it to start with. That was unimportant to the matter at hand however, she turned the knob, speaking into the crack in the door again. What she saw in the beam of light around her silhouette was exactly what she had feared. 

* * *

**Worst Fears** by [@CieraKilo](https://twitter.com/CieraKilo)

* * *

Some part of Sylvain had registered someone calling to him as he sat there with the relic to his throat. He wasn't sure if it was the voices of his brother and father creeping in on the periphery of his consciousness or a student who would soon find him when he silenced them. It didn't matter either way. Or rather, it wouldn't matter soon. He drew back the weapon, preparing to put a poetic end to his flowery words once and for all. As he took a breath, and let out a self-derisive chuckle, the door burst open, momentarily blinding him with the sudden light of the hallway.

As quickly as his hand moved to shield his eyes from the light, it disappeared, replaced with the form of a near frantic Edelgard leaning against the door. He wasn't sure he had ever seen such an expression on her face. In truth, it was kind of cute.

“Oh Saints, The Goddess herself came to retrieve me and she looks like Lady Edelgard…”

She couldn't tell if he was flirting or delusional. Perhaps the truth was somewhere between the two. When she spoke, the seriousness in her voice betrayed that, despite his jests, she fully comprehended the gravity of the situation. 

“Sylvain…”

There was sadness in her voice, something between disappointment and understanding that gave him pause. He had no intention of letting his surprise at her concern show, so he rebuffed her as he normally would. 

“That's my name, Princess, but I'd prefer hearing you call it out in a different tone… or a different position…”

His tone rose at that, taking on its normal flirtatious air. Her first instinct was to slap him for his insolence, but she realized almost too late that he wanted her to rise to his taunt. She instead did her best to remain calm and get a real answer out of him. 

“Sylvain… is this what it looks like?”

He shrugged at that, the easy smile of his face unable to hide the pain in his eyes. 

“If it looks like I'm exploring the potential bedroom uses for the Lance of Ruin, then it’s exactly what it looks like.”

He winked at that and Edelgard frowned. He was a master at pushing her buttons, but if she let him win this time, she may not get another chance. That was an unacceptable turn of circumstance. 

Sylvain saw the flash of anger in her eyes and realized if he kept at it, she may actually kill him. He supposed that served his purposes well enough. He patted the space on the bed next to him. 

“You're obviously welcome to join me if you would like, princess” 

She could help the dusting of pink on her face at his teasing, he expression, however, remained deathly serious. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again not finding the right words. The second parting of her lips released a stream of the kind of platitudes she hated most. 

“You have so much to live for Sylvain, I am confident that things will get better…”

He couldn't help but chuckle at her empty words. He tried to come up with another innuendo to dismiss her words with, but the well was running dry. He settled for the bitterness he felt for such sentiment.

“Y’know? It's funny how every time someone tells me that, things seem to get worse.”

She had expected as much as soon as she spoke the words. They had offered her little comfort in the past, it was no surprise to find them echoing hollowly once again. She sighed at her own stupidity. They regarded each other silently for a long moment before Edelgard spoke once again.

“I am not unfamiliar with the feeling of losing a sibling…”

They both appeared momentarily stunned by her candidness. She rarely spoke of her past, Sylvain rarely heard women speak with sincerity in his bedroom. It was a shocking turn of events for the both of them. They both seemed to flinch at her voice as she continued. 

“I had 10 siblings. Did you never find it curious that a 4th daughter of the emperor would find herself heir apparent?”

Sylvain wasn't a fool despite his predilection to appear as such, he had wondered idly about that very fact in the past. He was unable to find an answer that didn't involve mass assassination, mass abdication, or a plague like the one that had rolled through Fhirdiad. His silence was proof that she at least had his attention and perhaps his curiosity as well. She debated how much to say, and determined that there was no harm in telling him the truth. Or this truth at least. 

“There were… experiments. They were attempting to implant the Crest of Flames into an imperial heir… I was the only one of my siblings to survive…”

She pulled her gloves off one after the other, her movements hesitant despite the decision she had made already. She moved closer to him, showing him the white scars that covered the skin of her hands as they covered most of her. 

“They succeeded with me, but I have no great love of crests -- and an understanding of losing siblings because of them -- as a result…” 

Sylvain looked shocked. Whatever he had anticipated the fate of the Adrestian heirs to be, it hadn't been that. He took her scarred hand in his and kissed it delicately, the motion sending the lance he had been threatening himself with clattering to the ground. 

“I… Saints, Edie…”

His usual charm failed him and he found the name that Dorothea used for the empress-to-be slip from his lips much like his delicate kiss before he could stop either. Suddenly, he felt less alone, perhaps even foolish, in his self-pity. 

Edelgard hadn’t expected the sincerity of his response or the tenderness of his touch. The kiss he placed on the back of her hand was unexpected as well, the gesture seemingly more intimate than the many kisses placed on the same location in the past, both for the setting and circumstance and for the lack of cloth covering her hand. She blushed instinctually, but didn't move to stop him, the gesture well within the bounds of etiquette even if it made her feel something most uncourtly. When he spoke, she was sad to find her revelation hasn't dissuaded him as much as she thought it would. 

“What’s the point then? With any of it? This world took so much from you and from me and from our families… and we’re just expected to throw our kids into the same bullshit? For what?”

He knew his question was unfair, but once he had asked it he realized it wasn't entirely for her. It was for an uncaring universe and a silent goddess and a gaggle of nobles too selfish to realize the harm they were doing in the name of nothing. He realized too that as his voice broke with the last question, his restraint did too. Tears poured from his eyes. It seemed that every one of the ones he had wanted to shed since seeing Miklan laying there was choosing now to be let out. As he pawed at his eyes desperately, Edelgard sat down next to him. When she spoke, her voice was deathly calm, her tone measured and balanced between wistfulness and determination. 

“And what if it did not have to be that way?”

He noticed that her hand was still in his as they sat side by side on his bed. He had known her to be ambitious, even idealistic, but that idle thought was far beyond either of those. It was… revolutionary, in a very literal sense. Like, actual fire and blood revolution. Surely the princess of the empire hadn't meant it that way?

“I would say it's too good to be true, princess...”

She couldn't help a laugh at his response. In truth, he was probably right. It was a big dream, but it was one she fully intended to realize. It was because it was a big dream that she needed to do it. It was because no one else would, because no one else would think they could. When she looked at his tired eyes, she saw the same hopelessness she knew that she had once worn. The same world-weariness that had brought her to the brink herself. 

She squeezed his hand to get his attention. She knew how clever he was despite his attempts to be perceived as the opposite. She had seen the skill and experience with which he fought despite his carefree demeanor. And she now had watched him mourn his brother with the same bitterness with which she had mourned her own. The same hatred of the world that demanded their sacrifices. The murderous world she intended to burn down so life could flourish again. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, but filled with determination. She feared bringing anyone into confidence, but to lose a potential ally… a friend and classmate… to a pain she intended to ameliorate… that was unacceptable. 

“Sylvain… what if I told you I intended to do just that? Intended to remake the world that would allow this kind of suffering anew, at any cost?”

At the squeeze of her hand and the quiet strength in her voice, his instincts told him of the rising intimacy of their interaction. When he heard her words, he knew he was right, but certainly not in the way he had come to expect. 

“Edie… even someone as powerful as you can't remake the world that easy. One girl’s resolve -- even a girl as frightening and beautiful as you -- isn't going to overturn centuries of inertia…”

At the way she looked down, he realized too late what he had said. Flirtation came from his lips as easily as breathing, but he hadn't been feeding her a line. He was truly awed by her. When she spoke, her voice had the most delightful stutter to it. A sign of embarrassment he had never expected from her normally unflappable affectations.

“I-it will not be easy, but if I do not do this, generations of children l-like us will continue to suffer. That is not a thing I will allow to happen.”

She regained her confidence as she spoke, but her hand didn't leave his. He actually believed her. She spoke with such conviction it was almost impossible not to.

“Well, if anyone can do it, you can, princess…”

The teasing edge was out of the nickname already, filled now with something between affection and admiration. Goddess, to be so sure of yourself, to see a future in your power to change, and so clearly at that. He wished for that kind of certainty of purpose in his own life… 

She cleared her throat like he was missing something…

“Oh, um, don't worry, your highness. I won't get in your way or anything. I still haven't decided if I plan to walk out of this room yet, let alone raise an army against you…”

She squeezed his hand again and he looked at her. There was an intensity to her gaze he had never seen before, in anyone’s eyes. Not violent anger, but cold dedication. Freezing in fact, so chilling that it seemed to pull the heat out of the room and set goosebumps on his arms and the back of his neck. He wouldn't be surprised to see his breath in this frigid presence. When she spoke, there was none of the warmth she had shown him up till now, though their hands were still joined she felt like ice against his fingers.. 

“If you stand in my way, you will be removed like everyone and everything that aligns themselves against me.”

The cold resolve gave way slightly almost as quickly as it had come, like a late cold front scouring the ground of its spring growth before fading away again as quickly as it came. 

“I… do not wish to see you harmed though Sylvain, by your hand or my own…”

He couldn't help a chuckle that came out, more nervous than he had intended at her sudden shift. She was… tempestuous… utterly unpredictable, a force a nature deserving respect. Inscrutable and mystifying. Something capable of making him recite such poetic turns of phrase in his own head instead of to the object of his affection. 

“The verdict hasn't been read on that yet, princess… it might be worth sticking around to see that new world of yours, but I'm not sure I can take getting my hopes up about anything ever again.”

She shook her head lightly, her words more than he deserved or expected as she reached a hand out to a drowning man… a hand he realized had been in his for most of their conversation though neither of them spoke of it. A hand he had already taken without realizing that he had. 

“If you will not live for yourself… then live for me and the world I will create. A world where children like us will never exist again…”

She continued, though her words had already stolen his loyalty and his heart. She grew more flustered as her offer grew more personal, and he saw just the slightest hint of a normal girl in her offer for him to tear down the world that had hurt them by her side.

“You are brighter and stronger than you allow others to see… it would be a shame to lose a potentially valuable ally to his own hand. And I can't say I wouldn't like to have a classmate…. a f-friend… by my side for what is to come…”

He chuckled at her again as he slid off the bed and took a knee in front of her, the pose more courtly and respectful than he had ever offered any of the nobles from his own homeland. He still held her bare hand in his, but more formally now than the familiarity of them sitting side by side. Holding her hand like that was a right that he had to earn, for now, all he could do was offer himself to that blinding presence that regarded him curiously. That corona of determined fire that would scorch the world clean and remake it like it was even now remaking him. Give that wretched world value in existing much like his own wretched life. 

“As far as I’m concerned… my life is already yours. You saved it, so it’s yours to use until the day I can give it for the world you will create. Whether I give it to you holding a weapon on horseback or holding your hand at the altar is for you to decide.”

He winked at her, finding even a small part of himself again in the purpose she gave him. She turned away from the kiss he placed on her hand and from words he spoke of the future. He proposed to a member of their house almost once a week, so it was nothing to get this flustered about. Though, she realized, it was the first time he had ever said such a thing to her… 

“I-I am glad to see you are back to your normal self, Sylvain, at least in some small measure…”

He kissed her hand again before looking up at her until their eyes met again. She looked a little like a girl her age with that expression on her face and a little less like someone carrying the weight of the world and the future of fodlan on her shoulders. She quite liked being able to put that expression there. She deserved more carefree moments like this. 

“That expression could drive a man mad, Edie…”

She didn't have any determined words to utter in response to that. She simply sat there looking down at him, her face flushed, her hand resting in his, her eyes searching his for teasing or betrayal, but finding none. She managed a joke, though her expression remained utterly flustered. 

“I would hope not, I just went through so much to pull you free from your descent to madness...”

And Sothis and all the saints, she honest to Goddess giggled, before settling into a gentle smile. In that moment, he knew that he was hers, body, heart, and soul. 

“Yeah, no, definitely feeling some madness coming back…”

She didn't understand his meaning and her voice took on a tone of concern. 

“Would you like me to stay with you through the night? If you do not feel safe alone, I have no intention of leaving you in such a state…”

He just shook his head. How could one girl give him purpose so completely? He knew in that moment that he meant what he said about giving his life for her however she required, but saints, that didn't stop him from wanting to be worthy of standing by her side. 

“No… I’m good now Edie, better than good. Though, I definitely won’t complain if you're that eager to spend the night with me...”

She caught his meaning and finally pulled her hand free of his before crossing it with the other protectively over her chest.

“N-no! I didn't mean it that way at all! F-flames, Sylvain, to suggest such a thing…”

Her response was much less angry and much more adorable than he had ever expected to see from her in response to his flirting. Part of him wanted to kiss her right there, but he had earned no such right yet. When had he started thinking like that? He wasn't sure if he'd ever viewed any woman that way, but he already knew if it was her, he didn't mind. She wasn't just another cute girl… She was going to change the world… He knew that with growing certainty. 

“No, of course not, princess. I was just teasing you.”

He chuckled lightly at her relief. 

“I definitely want our first night together to be after a day of me looking much cooler than you've seen me today.”

Her relief froze in coming to her face as he renewed his flirting once again. This tease was totally sincere, though he didn't mind the flustered expression she wore in response. 

“W-well it would seem you are thoroughly back to your usual jests, so I will take my leave…”

She hurried to gather herself enough to stand up and leave the room before pausing at the door. Her hand hovered at the knob before turning back to him. 

“I… really am glad to see you better… and to have the promise of you by my s-side…”

As she opened the door and let the halo of light blind him once again, he thought that she was extraordinary. A girl creating a world truly worth dying for. 

No, she was a girl worth living for.


End file.
